Dec 082016
 

Take a seat, people. This might take a while. It’s about the much credible Censor Board that governs what’s fit for us Indians to watch and what’s against our sanskars. Pahlaj Nihalani leads the show, of course.

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses© BCCL

Ever since ‘Befikre’ got out of the CBFC headquarters with zero cuts and a U/A certificate, there have been questions. Some very legit questions. Just in case it isn’t obvious enough, ‘Befikre’ is probably the boldest Yash Raj Film ever with 23 on-screen kisses. The trailer has Ranveer Singh and Vaani Kapoor painting the town red with their PDA. The posters are designed around their kisses FFS!

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses© YRF

A quick recap. Last November, there was an uproar because the very same CBFC cut a kissing scene from ‘Spectre’ because it was too vulgar for the Indian audience.

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses© YouTube

Earlier this year, Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone’s kiss was chopped off from ‘Tamasha’.

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses© Nadiadwala Grandson Entertainment

Very recently, there were reports that even Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s intimate scenes from ‘Ae Dil Hai Mushkil’ has been chopped off because of the same reason.

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses© DharmaProductions

So when ‘Befikre’ got a U/A certificate, DNA stepped up on behalf of the rest of the media and addressed the elephant in the room. Journalist and film critic Subhash K Jha demanded a justification for this bizarre decision that goes against the standards CBFC has set for itself and we cannot believe Pahlaj Nihalani actually gave this WTF explanation.

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses© YRF

“Firstly, there is a difference in the intention and purpose of the kisses in ‘Befikre’ and the ones you mention in the earlier films (‘Tamasha’, ‘Ae Dil Hai Mushkil’). Those earlier kisses were very intimate and sexual in nature, and also shot in lingering close-ups. In ‘Befikre’, the kisses are used as signs of affection, warmth and kinship. And they are not shot in close-ups. That makes a helluva difference in terms of impact.” Pahlaj Nihalani said.

So, let me get this right, Mr. Nahalani. This is intimate and sexual…

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses

And this obviously isn’t?

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses

Or is this more ‘lingering’  

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses

Than this?

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses

So, you mean, a young man (Ranveer Singh) and a young woman (Vaani Kapoor) meeting in a foreign country and deciding to have NSA fun is warm and affectionate enough to be shown to adults and kids alike…

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses

But a young man (Ranbir Kapoor) and a young woman (Deepika Padukone) meeting in a foreign country and deciding to have NSA fun isn’t?

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses

Ah, I see.

“I feel Befikre reflects a global attitude to public affection. Aditya Chopra has made a film that will appeal to young people all across the world regardless of creed, class, culture, colour and race. In that sense, ‘Befikre’ is not reflective of Indian values per se. It’s not a mirror of the Indian middle-class sanskaar. It’s more about how the young, even young Indians, behave when they are abroad and are brought up with different values.” Pahlaj Nihalani went on to insult our bullshit-detectors.

Right. So, ‘Befikre’ is about how young people behave abroad and that’s why it is acceptable to show them kiss. Wonder what Imtiaz Ali did wrong with ‘Tamasha’? Maybe he should have based his movie outside India. Like…maybe, Corsica?

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses

Come on now, that’s fair. Because Indians kiss without lips touching.

“See, in India kissing in public is still taboo. But in Paris it’s openly done. It’s an accepted form of affection not just for couples in love but also a form of greeting between two friends when they meet .We can’t apply our own cultural rules to people outside.” Stop Pahlaj, PLEASE!

So wait…the ‘Spectre’ kiss was banned because it showed Indian people kissing in India?

Pahlaj Nihalani Passes Befikre With Zero Cuts Despite 23 Kisses

It all makes so much sense. Pahlaj Nahalani, what would Indian cinema do without you.

Related post: Befikre movie review

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